Yesterday I had my parents, two Aunts and Uncle over for lunch. Only two of us drank and I think we got through a bottle of champers and a bottle of red over the course of about four hours. After everybody had left, and Josh had gone to play Soccer, I decided to make a few notes for this blog entry on food, red wine and how much is too much? I recalled watching shows on the Crime Channel where the driver had to recite their alphabet to prove they weren't drunk. I'd always wanted to try it and, finally, yesterday, I remembered to give it a go.
Turns out I was perfectly fine to say my alphabet. Smooth as silk and I smiled at myself as I reported the result of this in my blog. Please note the following typing (my notes made yesterday, talking about aforementioned shows on the alphabet sobriety test):
"Since seeoing that, I've alwasy wanted to tes tit, because If ind it very difficult to believe that anyoenc an forget their acb, regardless of how drunk . . . And, to prove my pint, here I sit, well outside of the driving comfort zone, and yet I can recite my alphabte with perfection!"
Sadly, the same can not be said for my typing whilst under the influence of too much food and drink!
Lunch was great fun. I successfully fed seven people without any leftovers. I only burnt one side of a few carrots and sweet potatoes and the wine, conversation and laughter flowed. Like I said, only two of us were drinking the wine, however. And I think I probably had one glass more than my Aunt.
We discussed yet another Aunt's upcoming 80th birthday celebration at the Gold Coast and our plans for travel. My Uncle asked, "What's the address?" to which my mother answered, "Its a big, long road." We all laughed at her less than helpful directions which sparked a story or two about getting lost and bad directions. One story led to another and we jumped from subject to subject when my Uncle, who had been quiet for about ten minutes piped up and said, "All I wanted was the bloody address!"
So the topics continued to churn over until out came the jokes, some wholesome, some not so wholesome but all of them funny. Neither Josh nor I are sure how the conversation arose. A conversation I never thought I'd be having with my Mother or Aunt. But a joke with a punchline about a 'Pearl Necklace' was raised somewhere along the line as was the question, "Do you even know what a pearl necklace is?" Both my Mother and Aunt thought it had something to do with teeth, big smiles on their faces to demonstrate. "Your pearly whites." was the explanation.
All the men at the table had their faces in their hands, quivering with laughter, and I had to shake my head to tell them no, that was NOT what it was. "What is it then?" she asked. You could have heard a pin drop. Crap!
"Ummm, never mind!" I said.
"Come on, tell me!" she said, "I think I can handle it." And so, I told her - nobody else would! And yes, maybe she was able to handle it, but I wasn't sure I could! But all in all a good laugh! After my appalling blog typing, I retired to the media room to watch some desperate housewives. I don't think the credits had rolled up before I fell asleep. Next thing I knew Josh's face was in front of mine and I had woken with a start. It took me a moment or two to come to my senses. It was very unlike me not to have woken up when he came in the door. It creaks, the dogs would have been going crazy to see him. But I didn't. And then I realised he had been giggling.
"What were you laughing about just now?" I asked my voice thick with sleep.
"You wouldn't wake up, so I was licking your lips for ages to see if you'd wake up but you didn't!" Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd hear! Gross! So, lessons learned yesterday:
"Since seeoing that, I've alwasy wanted to tes tit, because If ind it very difficult to believe that anyoenc an forget their acb, regardless of how drunk . . . And, to prove my pint, here I sit, well outside of the driving comfort zone, and yet I can recite my alphabte with perfection!"
Sadly, the same can not be said for my typing whilst under the influence of too much food and drink!
Lunch was great fun. I successfully fed seven people without any leftovers. I only burnt one side of a few carrots and sweet potatoes and the wine, conversation and laughter flowed. Like I said, only two of us were drinking the wine, however. And I think I probably had one glass more than my Aunt.
We discussed yet another Aunt's upcoming 80th birthday celebration at the Gold Coast and our plans for travel. My Uncle asked, "What's the address?" to which my mother answered, "Its a big, long road." We all laughed at her less than helpful directions which sparked a story or two about getting lost and bad directions. One story led to another and we jumped from subject to subject when my Uncle, who had been quiet for about ten minutes piped up and said, "All I wanted was the bloody address!"
So the topics continued to churn over until out came the jokes, some wholesome, some not so wholesome but all of them funny. Neither Josh nor I are sure how the conversation arose. A conversation I never thought I'd be having with my Mother or Aunt. But a joke with a punchline about a 'Pearl Necklace' was raised somewhere along the line as was the question, "Do you even know what a pearl necklace is?" Both my Mother and Aunt thought it had something to do with teeth, big smiles on their faces to demonstrate. "Your pearly whites." was the explanation.
All the men at the table had their faces in their hands, quivering with laughter, and I had to shake my head to tell them no, that was NOT what it was. "What is it then?" she asked. You could have heard a pin drop. Crap!
"Ummm, never mind!" I said.
"Come on, tell me!" she said, "I think I can handle it." And so, I told her - nobody else would! And yes, maybe she was able to handle it, but I wasn't sure I could! But all in all a good laugh! After my appalling blog typing, I retired to the media room to watch some desperate housewives. I don't think the credits had rolled up before I fell asleep. Next thing I knew Josh's face was in front of mine and I had woken with a start. It took me a moment or two to come to my senses. It was very unlike me not to have woken up when he came in the door. It creaks, the dogs would have been going crazy to see him. But I didn't. And then I realised he had been giggling.
"What were you laughing about just now?" I asked my voice thick with sleep.
"You wouldn't wake up, so I was licking your lips for ages to see if you'd wake up but you didn't!" Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd hear! Gross! So, lessons learned yesterday:
- Don't ask any of the women in our family for directions - we don't know the answer.
- Don't talk about jewellery that has sexual connotations in front of your mother unless you're sure she's up to date on her sex ed!
- Don't fall asleep after too much red wine if your husband's around and has a tendency to be mischievous and gross!
RSS Feed
